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That sounds like both girls have a good path developing for them. Keep us posted on Phoebe's progress toward Nationals!

As an only child, I never dealt with any kind of sibling rivalry or competition, which I think probably does prepare people better for adult life than my experience. Of course, I saw it to some extent with my own kids, especially the boys. But all my kids were about four years apart, which may have toned it down a little.

I've been thinking today about the mustache thing. Oddly, I couldn't really remember if my boys had one or not. I think they change their grooming more than my husband does and experiment with different styles. My second son has sometimes gone full-on mountain-man, but then he'll shave it all off. Right now I think he's fairly subtle with his facial hair. My older son has always been very attentive to his grooming. He would never let his facial hair get over-done.

I get what you're saying about the "mustache only" style. That was pretty common in the '70s. I'm not sure that it's ever made a big come-back.

I've been training with Phoebe in the evenings, and I tell you, she hits HARD for a little 8 year old kid. You wouldn't think that somebody that small with skinny arms and legs would have that much impact behind her hits but she does.

She's also developed a new move with her instructors that she wants to debut at the tournament, it's hard to describe, but if you have ever watched gymnastics and seen somebody on a balance beam stand straight up and bring one foot from behind, rotate forward, follow through, and land on the other foot, she does that but she lands her heel with force and drives it into her opponent's shoulder. So far, every opponent she has hit with it during training hasn't been able to defend against it, and they crumble from the hit. Like I said, it's hard to describe, but it's impressive to watch. Her instructors said that it's another example of incorporating her gymnastics training into her martial arts that gives her a unique style that her opponents can't prepare for because they haven't seen it before.

I saw it to some extent with my own kids, especially the boys. But all my kids were about four years apart, which may have toned it down a little.

That's true. My older sister was born in 75, and my younger sister in 85, so there's 10 years between them, and we always got along with my younger sister and babied her, even my brother that's 2 years older than her. But between my brother and myself, he's 2 years younger than me, we have always been competitive with each other, even to this day he's still that way, and he brags excessively when he does even the simplest thing.

I think they change their grooming more than my husband does and experiment with different styles.

I know what that's like, I think that as you get older you find a style that you're comfortable with and you stick with it, but when you're younger you're willing to try different looks. When I was 19 I stylized my beard with a look called the flame, Thankfully, I only had that on my face for about a week before I realized how stupid it looked and shaved it.

I found this gif, it's basically this move but with speed and force behind it.

Does Phoebe flip when she does that? I can see that gymnastics + martial arts might confuse and fluster her opponents.

Yes, she flips forward fast and drives the heel of her foot into their shoulders. I've seen the kids she trains with buckle over in pain when she hits that move, and some of them say that their arm goes numb on the side that she hit, so it's a very effective way to incapacitate her opponents. Of course, the kids that she trains with are similar in size to her, so we don't know if she can even use it against a larger opponent. Some of the kids that she will be competing against are up to 14 years old, and depending on their height, she could hit them in the chest or miss them if she attempts it. You also have to factor in their level of experience and ability, the kids that she trains with can't defend against it, but a older kid with more experience might be able to, but even if they can counter that specific attack, she has a myriad of maneuvers in her arsenal that she can access in a split second to debilitate her opponents.

I know that sounds like I'm bragging about her ability, but she is extremely fast while transitioning through moves during a round, I've heard the people announcing the tournaments say that she is quicker than a hiccup, she can react to her opponents faster than they can think of their next move. Like I said, when she's competing it's like she's a different person, she's focused on eliminating her opponents, and she doesn't show any emotion on her face, not even a smile. Well, unless she hurts somebody, then she might show a arrogant smile. She doesn't hesitate to assault her opponents, it's like watching a vicious animal maul their prey, you don't expect somebody that looks like her to be that calculated and callous to her opponents, but I guess that's how she got the name the cutest little fighting machine.

People have different reactions to her, some people love it and crave the violence at these tournaments, that's why the referees are so lenient when tha participants use a move that should get them disqualified. I've watched Phoebe kick kids directly in the crotch and she was happy to take the point deduction for it because she knows that they aren't going to do anything about it, and she can make the points back while making her opponents suffer a little more. Yeah, I know, it's cold, but the people that promote these tournaments know that the violence sells, and at the end of the day, this is a business. We have already had companies approach us to sponsor her, but my wife and I agreed that she's still too young to handle the obligation and responsibility that comes with that, and we know that it will also bring unwanted attention. Maybe when she's older, and if it's something that she wants, then she can do it.

On the other side of that, I've heard people, mostly other parents, describe her as a sociopath or psychopath because of the way that she relentlessly beats her opponents, and her lack of sympathy for them. I don't think that either assessment is accurate to describe her, and the people that say that don't know anything about her outside of the tournaments, she's a sweet kid when she isn't competing, but people don't know that side of her. I've speculated before that it's possible that I passed on the anger from my youth to her, and my wife does worry about her, but she grew up with a good family life, and while she is aware of my past, she can't ever understand it. So I have a different perspective on Phoebe's aggression, and as long as she can control it and channel it the same way that I did then she will be fine. Yes, she's made other kids cry, she's made them bleed, she's knocked them unconscious, she has even broke a kid's nose, but this is the world we live in, and her instructors are right when they say that they are preparing her for the real world, and while my wife doesn't agree with them, I most certainly do.

Lol. I don't think I would want to come up against her!

I hope she continues to have great success and enjoys her sport. I also hope she doesn't get injured herself at any point. I know that's a real problem for serious athletes, and it sounds like she is serious.

Thanks Murf.

Phoebe started doing gymnastics and martial arts at age 3, and she got good at both extremely fast, and by age 4 she was already doing demonstrations, performances, and competitions. Of course, when she started competing in martial arts she was going against kids that were up to 7 years old, so she got defeated a few times as any beginner would, but by the time she was 6 she got so good at it that she's been undefeated since then. She will be 9 in July, and at the level that she's competing at now, I don't worry about her getting hurt in martial arts because I know that she is aggressive in her approach and most of her opponents aren't ready for that.

However, when it comes to her gymnastics, I'm always worried about her safety. When she's doing 5 consecutive backflips and transitioning midair before landing, or running on a balance beam and then she jumps doing a 720 degree spin, that's 2 full rotations of her body while she's in the air, and then landing on her feet, it's both thrilling and terrifying to watch. I tell you, every time I watch her do things like that my heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. She tells us not to worry about her, because she says that it's just natural for her, and she's described it like a waterfall, it just goes where it has to, it just is. To her credit, so far she hasn't had a single injury yet, she always does her stretching before performing, and she wraps her wrists and ankles for stability, and when she's out there she's extremely focused, but that won't ever stop us from worrying about her when she's performing.

On the positive side of it, as she's getting older now we have noticed some other positive improvements with her, like she started doing Yoga a few months ago and she told us that it's had a profound effect on her, both personally and on her performance. She's also eating healthier as well, choosing lean meals and produce over the salty snacks that she used to eat. She still loves her candy and sweets though, but she is so active that she burns the sugar and calories away during her training. I honestly wish that I had her discipline with my dietary habits, because I should definitely be eating better at my age. Maybe her dedication will be a positive influence on me.

It's funny, while I'm sitting here typing this I just had some memories of Phoebe just pop into my head. First, when my wife was pregnant with her, I remember she said... this one is a kicker. I also remembered one night when Phoebe was 10 months old I was up talking with her because she wouldn't sleep, and there was a thunderstorm just starting, it was the first time that she had heard thunder so she was looking around curiously. I picked her up and walked over to the window and we stood there watching the rain pouring while the thunder continued, then lightning flashed and she was startled, she turned away from the window and pushed her face into my chest, I told her that she shouldn't be afraid, that she doesn't ever have to be afraid of anything in this life. She looked up at me and smiled, and then turned towards the window again, when the lightning flashed again she had a calm look on her face and she didn't turn away again for the rest of the time I stood there.

At the time I thought her smile was just a cute gesture that babies that age would do naturally when somebody is speaking to them, but looking back on it now, I wonder if she actually understood me. I mean, I know that she was just a baby, but this kid is absolutely fearless now, it doesn't matter if it's heights like the climbing wall, her unbelievable gymnastics moves, or another person, I haven't ever seen her express any fear towards anything since she was 2 years old. I wonder if her lack of fear will hinder or assist her in her pursuits, very much like myself, she doesn't hold back when it comes to speaking her mind, and she tells you like it is, so it should be interesting to watch how her social skills develop without a filter. I can tell you from personal experience that people don't like hearing the truth, especially if it contradicts their uninformed point of view. But I can also tell you that the same lack of a filter is why I am where I am today.

On a unrelated side note, our close friend and head chef Raoul told us yesterday that it's time for him to retire. He started working here in 1976, so he's been here at the restaurant for 50 years, more than a valuable employee, he is a dear friend, not just to myself but to my family as well, and we consider him a part of our family. I can't tell you how integral he was to the success of the restaurant both before I was here, and after I acquired it, his delectable dishes and flare in the kitchen has had customers coming back for years, and this place isn't going to be the same without him. We wish him the best, and next weekend we will be throwing a retirement party for him.

Aww, that is a real transition, when that treasured employee retires. I know you'll find someone else who's very good, but you will for sure miss him. I hope he enjoys his retirement.

Phoebe does sound like a very special young lady. Perhaps she did understand you all those years ago. Babies certainly understand words before they can speak them.

My older son has always seemed fearless to me. We are not an athletic family, but he's the kind of kid who taught himself to ride a bike without training wheels when he was 3, and was jumping off the high board at 6 and swimming all over the pool. As a college freshman he decided he wanted to graduate speaking another language. He chose German. He signed up for first year German and discovered that many of his classmates had already studied German in high school (he was on scholarship at Vanderbilt, and many students were protecting their GPAs by doing stuff like this). Undaunted, he interviewed at the end of his freshman year to be admitted to a foreign-language-only dorm, and he was. After his sophomore year in that dorm, he studied abroad in Germany for 7 months. The classes (Univ of Regensburg) were taught in German, but the American students were allowed to take their finals in English. Colin demurred. He took his exams in German and got straight As from those German profs. It caused a sensation back at Vanderbilt, because the German profs never award As to Americans. Even the majors don't get As. Colin wasn't even a German minor. He majored in math and minored in English.

I've never understood where his confidence comes from. None of the rest of us is as brave as he is. He must be a throw-back.

Up above you mentioned that some people had approached you and your wife about sponsorships for Phoebe. I didn't comment on that, but I think you are wise to have held off. Stuff like that has got to put another level of pressure on young kids, especially if it gives them the idea that their athletic prowess is their primary value or attribute. It could mess with her mind. If she continues to excel and enjoy her sport, there will be time for all that later.

I think that as a parent you often forget that while you create your kids and bring them into this world, they are their own unique person and they will carve their own path in this life.

Sure, there are some kids that follow after their parents, some of them will even carry on through generations of the family, and some even have the same physical traits and abilities as their ancestors. On the other side of that, some kids are born with extraordinary talents and abilities that leaves their families, and sometimes the world, absolutely astonished at what they are capable of.

Based on everything you've told us about your older son over the years, it's clear that he is a ambitious and motivated person, and the fact that he was willing to travel abroad as well as move to Chicago in pursuit of his goals is admirable. So many people are afraid to take that leap and go out into the world by themselves, but he did.

Perhaps she did understand you all those years ago. Babies certainly understand words before they can speak them.

This just reminded me of something that my grandmother told me when I was a kid, and it's also something that I've heard other people say, and I also saw it on a documentary, so there might actually be some truth to it ... there's a old theory that babies that are born by Caesarean section possess certain abilities that babies born by natural childbirth don't have. This can include a variety of things ranging from heightened instincts to ESP and other abilities. I mention this because while my wife's first pregnancy went smoothly, she had complications when she was pregnant with Phoebe and she had to be born by Caesarean section, it's also the reason why my wife decided not to have any more kids. Maybe that's a possible explanation for Phoebe's unique talents.

Last night my wife and I were discussing what we should get Raoul for a retirement present, he has always been here for us and this restaurant wouldn't have survived the pandemic without him, so we want to get him something to show him how much he means to us, but he's a proud and stubborn man that doesn't buy much stuff and hasn't ever liked accepting presents, which is why I usually just give him a very large bonus during the holidays, and he's always let us know that he appreciated it. He doesn't have a family, and he has only gone on one vacation in the 27 years that I've known him, so we were thinking that we would give him a vacation to any place that he wants to go. As I said, he's a proud man that doesn't like presents, so we will ask him first if he would like that before we do it. I know it ruins the surprise, but that way we know that we are getting him something he likes.

Regarding his replacement, he told us last year that he was slowing down and he asked me to bring in somebody to help out, so I hired a new assistant chef. Anthony is great in the kitchen, he's from Texas and he has been a chef for over 20 years, and he makes some of the best ribs that I've ever tasted. I know that Raoul has given him his blessing, and he's been showing him the ropes for the last year and getting him prepared, so he's going to be the head chef after Raoul leaves.

We are not an athletic family,

Honestly, most of my family isn't either, Sam and Phoebe are really the only athletic people in the family. I mean, there might have been some athletes in previous generations, but I can't recall any in particular, and I know most of my family history. When my siblings and I were in school we participated in gym class but that was it, we didn't ever do any team sports, especially not football ... we hate football. That's the only thing that I can't stand about my father in law, he played in high school and he even coached it for a few years, and he doesn't ever shut up about that stupid sport. Aside from that, he's a good guy.

Btw, my wife told me she was the same way with sports, she did them for gym but that's it, she's not athletic in any way. When I was younger I was the type of nerd that would rather study and accumulate information than be doing anything associated with being a mindless jock. Besides, I was always active while working as a mover and running around the Home Depot warehouse, and since I started at the restaurant I'm always doing something that requires me to be active.

The only sport that I ever do now, if you can call it a sport, is bowling. I would say that I'm slightly good at it, I usually bowl 100-150 in a average game, but that's nothing compared to Phoebe, yeah, she's good at bowling too! She hasn't bowled a perfect 300 game yet, but most of her games are in the 280 range, so she's really good at it. That kid has such accuracy with her aim, and I think that she could bowl a perfect game every single time she plays, but she only plays a few games a year. Believe me, my wife and I would prefer if she wanted to be a pro bowler, but it's only a game she plays for fun, and she has no interest in doing it professionally.

... there will be time for all that later.

My wife and I agree with everything you just said. Another reason, and the main reason we are also against it, is because we know that it's going to bring the type of attention that you don't want a young kid to be exposed to. I won't say what that is here, but as a parent yourself, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

I just looked up and realized how much I just typed, I know that some of my posts can be unbearably long, and you guys don't want to have to sit here and read a full novel every time you visit the forum, so I apologize for that. It's just that I type my posts as if I was having a conversation with you face to face, and if we were talking to each other in real life then it would only take a few minutes to say the words that takes longer to read in a post. But I want you to know that I do appreciate that you do read my posts.

You never need to apologize to me for your posts. I love reading them.

I hadn't heard that superstition about cesarean babies. At the risk of giving TMI, I'll confess that all three of mine were born that way. The first one had a prolapsed cord (usually a recipe for a dead baby, but the staff recognized what had happened immediately and went to work). The second one had the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. That sounds like a bigger emergency, but medical people will tell you that the cord prolapse is scarier and much less common. With the third I was offered the option of trying for VBAC (ie, a normal delivery), since the cord stuff is random and isn't supposed to have any statistical significance for future deliveries. However, I had lost faith in the process by then and was tired of having the worst of both worlds. So I chose the c-section the last time. From what I hear, most women prefer the normal way. I think the normal delivery is easier on the mother but perhaps more dangerous for the baby.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things by your retiring employee, and he has taken care to leave you in good hands. Since you've been generous to him in the past, I'm sure he anticipates that you'll do something special for him at his retirement. I think it's a good idea to confer with him about his preferences.

Re your decision to put off sponsorships for Phoebe, I do indeed get what you're talking about. Protecting her privacy during these early years is one of the best things you can do for her, I think.